9 Month Journey

Baby Ivy Florence,
We love you with all our hearts.
For you to have to leave us like this,
Tears us all apart.

October was the month when,
We knew our journey had begun.
Baby number two was tucked up tight,
Soon to join our perfect son.

At 15 weeks I felt you,
Gently kicking away.
Led in bed next to Daddy,
I could have stayed there all day!

The joys kept on coming,
We were 17 weeks along.
As a family off we went,
To see which team did you belong.

Pink or Blue, which one were you,
I froze with anticipation.
In that room my dreams came true,
My precious little girl!

That was the moment I knew for sure,
Our family was complete.
One boy, one girl..grow sweetheart, grow,
In my belly still so petite.

At our 20 week scan we found out you were perfect,
Grandma saw you for the first time.
Thankfully you were still a girl,
I couldn’t wait to sing you your first nursery rhyme.

You wiggled for me every day,
Reminding me you were there.
Theo always kissed & rubbed my belly,
To remind you that HE was there.

Theo would have treasured you,
The best big brother he’d have been.
To Daddy you would have done no wrong,
The good is all he would have seen.

Along came your awaited due date,
I thought you’d already be here !
40+4, it looked like the start,
Soon baby girl you’d appear.

It started off as normal,
The pains grew & grew.
With each one I’d focus,
They we leading us to you.

But then it all rapidly changed,
Your heartbeat slowed right down.
So many faces, prodding & poking us,
Blood gushing out my gown.

I begged for them to get you out,
Cut me open straight away!
You were clinging on, still faintly there,
God I hoped you’d stay.

I woke up some time later,
To be told you were alive!
But 17minutes had passed with no breathe,
My heart did a rapid dive.

Hooked up on tubes & wires,
In the NICU cot you lay.
Our precious baby Ivy,
My God, we hoped you’d stay.

The staff were all we could have hoped for,
Nadine kept you safe & well.
You looked so perfect, your button nose!
Your fingers, your toes, your smell.

After 3 days of intense support,
The decision needed to be made.
Your final moments in daddy’s arms,
We wished you would have stayed.

Time with you was precious,
We will savour it every day.
Our little baby Ivy,
In our hearts you’ll forever stay.

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5 thoughts on “9 Month Journey

  1. I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing. I also lost a son, but at 17 weeks pregnant. Visit my blog if you’d like – the 1 year “angelversary” was this week. It is quite a journey and I am sorry you are on it with me. Please let me know if I can help by being a friend who somewhat understands. Hugs and tears for you and your sweet girl (love her name so much).

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  2. What to say, but that you are so brave… to share this is so very brave, but I do believe that most often to share is to start the process of repair, life will never be the same but in writing your feelings and deep emotions you can learn to cope with this profound loss. You are amazingly brave. Thank you for this heartfelt honesty.

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    • Thank you 🙂
      It was touch & go whether I was going to share this because it was the poem I wrote for her funeral so it’s very close to my heart. But writing it was quite therapeutic, and to not include it seemed wrong somehow.

      Thank you for taking the time to respond to this post, it’s much appreciated x

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      • Blowing you and Ivy a kiss.

        We are not too far ahead of your journey with our girls, two cousins. I connect with your posts very much. I don’t blog, but I just wanted you to know it’s helpful to follow your journey – my Sister-in-law is considering starting her blog as part of her healing process. X

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      • Thank you for getting in touch. It saddens me that we are on the same journey, but it is also comforting to know that we are not alone in this. Love to you & yours xx

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