A Butterfly Lights Beside Us

This morning I received two packages: photographs I ordered online, and a SANDS bereavement pack.

This little gem was found in the latter.

That last line really hits home for me. It goes without saying that I wish Ivy could have stayed with us, but that couldn’t happen, so I’m trying to move to a place where I’m thankful for what I had.

I’m thankful that Ivy was able to open her eyes for the short time she did. It’s such a precious memory which I’m so very grateful for. When I try to focus on the positive and ignore how awful the situation actually is, I think of when I sang nursery rhymes to her whilst stroking her little perfect hand and face. He eyes opening wider when she heard my voice which she had listened to for many months before. Thinking of that moment still brings mixed emotions, and likely will do for the foreseeable future, but one day the sadness will be eclipsed by pure joy. Joy that I got to meet my daughter and share such an epic memory.

I’m thankful for the staff at the NICU who were able to keep her alive for those few days allowing her that opportunity.

But mostly I’m thankful for Ivy. Although most of my memories are filled with pain right now, one day I will be able to look at her photograph without tears escaping, and acknowledge how precious our short time with her was.
She will have made me a stronger person, and will be a reminder of how precious life is.

Try to be thankful for what you have, however hard it may seem.
Baby keeping you awake – you are so very lucky.
A child testing your patience – remember it’s just a phase & the love they give outweighs everything else (struggling with this one myself at the moment!)
Wrinkles – don’t fret.
Your first grey hairs – you have hair! .
Approaching big milestones, such as your 30th, 40th, 50th birthday – celebrate.

We often take life for granted, myself included. Time to reflect on what we have is essential if we are to truly value life.

Appreciate the Butterflies. That’s my advice.


6 thoughts on “A Butterfly Lights Beside Us

  1. Your strength is so inspiration. The way you have dealt with such a heartbreaking situation is just incredible.

    I think of you so often, and hope you are your beautiful family are ok.

    Lots of love,

    C x


    • Thank you lovey..
      I hope you and your family are well 🙂 (I’ve not been on Facebook since my last post in the group so I’m not up to date)..

      I miss being a part of the group so badly..it was nice to share my pregnancy journey with you all & I’m absolutely gutted I’m not experiencing the sleepless nights and everything else that early parenthood brings..All I have are memories, my section scar & the few stretch marks she gave to me (actually thankful for the stretch marks – how mad am I!)

      Thank you for thinking of us..it means an awful lot.
      Love xxx


  2. So beautiful honey. I think of you and little Ivy often. I count my blessings every day, even on the hard days – I know how lucky I am. Miss chatting to you. You truly are an amazing lady and Mummy. Much love.xxx


  3. Hey sweetie,

    You write so beautifully. I miss you and think about you and beautiful Ivy every day.
    I hope you’re doing okay hun and please know that you may be out of sight but you will never be out of mind for any of us PF girls xx


  4. I well up when I think of what’s happened, but reading your posts makes me feel more positive and more sad at the same time. You are a wonderful, strong mother and I feel so much love and admiration for you xxx


  5. Such beautiful words about your daughter. I lost my son Alex almost 12 years ago when he was only 22 days old. His life was spent in the hospital. Reading about how you stroked Ivy’s hair in the NICU reminded me of doing the same thing and holding on to any sign of connection I could get. My thoughts are with you. I am so sorry you are in this club we never asked to join. ((Hugs))


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